Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
