I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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