I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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