no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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