i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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