Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
