I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
