I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
