hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
