Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
