i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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