My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
