I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
