Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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