All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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