i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
