nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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