4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am one with the molecules
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
