last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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