Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
