After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
