Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
