ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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