Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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