We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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