dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
