Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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