It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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