Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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