I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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