my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
