My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
