shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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