so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
