I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
