one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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