how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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