hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
3pm strippers are depressing
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
