Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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