i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
