I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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