Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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