The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
