i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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