Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can you bring me the toilet please
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
