i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
