but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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