My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
