chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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