She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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