Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
