i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
