I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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