my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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