My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i drank out of a bidet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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